my thoughts and stuff.

The Girl.

Nicole. 24. Milwaukee, WI. Single. She works at Joann Fabrics. She is a freelance Graphic Designer. She is also an artist who dabbles in a bit of everything. She is currently studying Graphic Design, so she can get that paper that tells you she can work Photoshop....

Beats In My Head

What I’ve Been Talking About…

What Others Are Saying…

An Open Letter to Will Forte

Hello Will (or your lovely and awesome real name Orville) Forte,

I am a basically invisible woman named Nicole Adams, I come from a suburb of Milwaukee, WI. Not from a rich family, not a poor family, not a non-dysfunctional family either. Just a normal middle class family from a suburb of Milwaukee.

I don’t want to lie, but currently. I am a bit intoxicated, but it seems like I need it (currently) to tell people how I feel. But this isn’t normally how I am. I tend to be that super quiet person in class. I suppose people could describe me as extremely, anti-social, but I would describe myself as an introvert. It’s not that I hate people, I just can’t always connect with people like most others. But I would greatly enjoy, to get over all the shitastic things that have happened in my life, and find someone amazing.

I wouldn’t say I am creepy, or anything like that. But some of my family would think its strange writing an open letter to someone who is 19 years older than I am. But, I also really don’t care what they think. When they looked down on me for being a graphic design student, I didn’t care, it’s something I love and something I am good at. Honestly I can’t deny that I am not strange, but I would rather be me, than be some sheep that just wants to follow what is popular, and what the social norm describes as normal. I am against that, as a pansexual, I am not the social norm, I am not a sheep, walking blindly into the slaughter.

I have been told on multiple occasions that I should be a stand up comic, unfortunately, I also have extreme fear of public speaking, which is what I am working on changing. Every Wednesday, I go to a basically unknown bar, on the border between to cities in (almost) the middle of nowhere Wisconsin, in the form of karaoke. Because why not get over the thing that I suck at the most. I believe I am a funny individual, but who thinks that they aren’t. Well I have to say, when you are 25, and feel completely alone, but you find yourself hilarious, means you have some sort of support within your self.

I’m not sure why I am witting this, and honestly I’m not quite sure of my current feelings, but you seem like an amazing person. I am not a crazy fan who has seen everything you have done. I am not someone who would stalk you (mostly because of the distance, I’m just kidding I hear stalking takes time, and I spend way too much time at school or at work). I work at a popular fabric and craft store, and when I am not there, I am attending a Technical School, trying to finally get my Associates degree. And when I’m not doing either of those things, or watching Netflix, I am creating mixed media pieces of [at least in my perspective] awesome musicians from the past.

Quite frankly right now. I don’t know if this makes any sense at all, but I sometimes feel that I have amazing feels for you. I am not trying to sound creepy, but I need the feels to get me trough life. Some where between my family not feeling that my major is anywhere near at par with my cousins or even my sister, and my grandmother [who I willingly moved in with to help her after her hip surgeries] who thinks that if you tell people that negative things about them, that they will change them. my adult life hasn’t exactly been amazing. Mostly because if you don’t have a degree where you get to show off how much stuff you learned in college, your degree might as well, have been handed to you by a group of children.

Will, you seem like a person that would help bring the feels back into my heart. Which it seems like I need at this point in my life. I hope that will be on your screen at some point in life. I, intend to post this on my website, which is not listed anywhere on my tumblr (where this has originally been posted). I also intend to link it to my twitter, which as well is not listed anywhere on my tumblr. If you find this, and you want to find some way to contact me, I am all over the internet.

Thank you for reading this, or maybe if you tldr’d, but caught some sort of feels or something good for you, maybe I have connected with someone in the world, who hasn’t treated me like a piece of shit, which would be wonderful.

Nicole Adams.

I Know, I Know…

I know I’ve been totally ignoring my blog. I’ve been busy living life, and school starts back up at the end of the month, so I’ve been preparing for that. I know if I have time to post on Tumblr every single day I should have time to update this, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

So I lost one of my best friends, she decided I was being shady hanging out with her ex, even though the time they officially dated was in HS, and that was like forever ago. And she got all pissed that I talk to him, same thing with my other friend. Whatever. I’ve had this time with out her to reflect on myself, and embrace my inner nerd. I so far have made a Star Wars messenger bag and matching wedges. And embrace my sexuality. I’ve been out for, oh god so many years. I first knew when I was 7ish. And all through HS I was tormented by guys in my class saying that I “wasn’t hot enough”. Well fuck them all now, ugly bastards. I can and will be who ever the fuck I want, at least I am honest with myself.

So its like 4am, and I have to be up in an 4 hours and 40 minutes. So peace out. I’ll try to update this more, but I’ve been so busy idk if it will happen.

Love,
Nicole

P.S. Be whoever you want, as long as you don’t hurt anyone fuck what other people think. There aren’t that many fucks in the world to give to the haters. Love you all.

Once again…

You try to void my opinions with your obnoxious mouth. Sorry I have my opinions too. You can go jump off a cliff because I am so sick of you trying to make my feelings feel void. Sorry they are so different than yours. I suppose thats what makes us all individuales. But hey you’re a bitch, so why do I expect you to ever once agree with me. Bitch.

Why Are My Rights Different?

Hi my name is Nicole, if you didn’t already know. I am 24, and I live in the United States. I know people like to come here since we have freedom. Well the freedom is a fucking crock of shit. I don’t have rights, I can’t marry someone I love, because too many people think it would destroy the institute of marriage, because that’s what the bible says. I don’t believe in the bible, why should it control my life. I am an atheist, I dismissed ”God” from my life years ago. This god everyone speaks of, from what I’ve been told is supposed to love unconditionally, why are people taking this and turning it against the LGBT community like this.

I just want to have the same rights as everyone else. When they took away segregation people did freak out and thought that our country was going to go to hell, did it. No. So, explain to me logically why I can’t marry a lady? Or my buddy can’t marry his boyfriend? I feel I need an explanation why my love isn’t as important as the “love” between a man and a woman.

I say it like that because men and women can have quicky weddings, and then get it annulled. And that’s still considered fine and good when it comes to marriage. What kind of bullshit is that?

I know more gay couples that have been with their partners longer than people that I know that have gotten married, and divorced.

Tell me why its so wrong for me to love who I love?

Tell me why my love is different than the love my straight parents had?

Tell me why, because I’m sick of this “God” bullshit.

 

Love,

Nicole

I Fucking Miss You

 

*This is the hardest thing for me to write. Especially because I am in public.*

One of my favorite people in the world died on February 8th, 2013. For the last 10 years he has been my rock, he’s helped me though the bad times, and led them to good times. He’s gotten me out of the darkest points in my life and helped me break out of many boxes, I have felt that people have put me in. And even when he told me the shit that put me down the most, I knew it wasn’t his fault, it was his addiction. I need closure and its killing me on the inside, I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to move on with my life. For the past couple of months he was telling me how nice his life was going, and how I should move out to Seattle. At first I thought he was joking, and the more he brought it up the more I wanted to. And I would have if my job didn’t pay so shitty.

Mike you’re never going to see this, and I know you thought my website was a waste of space on the internet, but this is my space. I fucking love you and I will miss you so much. It’s killing me inside to write this, and dealing with this is killing bits and pieces of me. I just want to create something dedicated to you but whenever I pick up some medium I start crying and I can’t focus. You helped me put the pieces of my life together piece by piece. You also but rarely have shattered it as well, but in your case the good weighs out the bad.

Rest in peace, Michael Rand Feldman. <3

mike

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love,
Nicole

Sometimes I Love The People That Live In My City, This Is One of Those Times.

Flash, Can Go Fuck Itself

Flash is an outdated media, especially on websites. In my mind websites should be simple and to the point and also compatible with mobile devices. This really bothers me and makes me want to punch kittens, I don’t really want to punch kittens.

That’s it.

Peace out,
Nicole

School is Back in Session

So today is the first day of the new semester, and this semester will be crazy. Shit.

4 of my 5 classes are downtown this semester, compared to last semester where most of my classes for most of the semester were in my lovely hometown of West Allis. All I see in my future is more bus rides, I know it won’t be that terrible. I’m used to the bus, and I am hoping to get a gym membership down here so in my downtime I can do something semi-productive.

All I can say is that I am way too advanced for my Tuesday morning class, I filled out a sheet, and everything was like “very proficient”. Today we are using Power Point, and I hate that shit. I know you can make faux websites on it, but its not fun.

Peace out,
Nicole

Sometimes It Feels Too Good

Like to sleep until noon just about everyday.

Or other things.

I’m not positive what things, but just like some things are too good to be free. Sometimes things just feel too good. Like the soft fur your petting turns out to be a dead deer. Or like some things that smell too good to be what they are. Like those Frebreeze commercials.

Sorry I’m a bit drunk, and you know its the season of drinking so I will be repeating this for the next, lets say week, I don’t work a lot within the next week so I can feel it happening.

Like well, tonight, we’re going back to the Bee’s to see one of our favorite servers. Then Sunday is a day off, I need to make brownies. Monday is X-mas Eve I have to work, then I’m spending time with family, so I’ll be drinking. Tuesday, is X-mas and drinking is a given. Oh oh oh oh oh Wednesday we’re going to the World of Beer, so fucking stoked. I mean its just another bar, but I won’t be alone for that. My grandma will be stoked.

Apparently its ok for men to go to the bar alone, but when a woman does she’s an alcoholic. Seriously what kind of backwards shit is that.

Bed time.

XOXO,
Nicole

Finals Are Coming Soon…

Fuck finals, fuck em.

But on the upside I don’t have to take my Hospitality Management final, I don’t need a certification in Hospitality Management since I changed my major. I emailed my teacher, she agreed it was pointless and that was that.

Now I am back to Visual Communications.

And a future script for ADD meds. I need them, I can’t focus to save my life. I’ve never had issues with math until I went off the adderall, and then something snapped and now its like a foreign language. Like one of the hard ones with different characters. Like Russian.

XOXO,
Nicole

This Is What I’ll Be Doing All Afternoon.

So Google came out with Bacon Number today.

And since today is Thursday, and I’m at school all fucking day, this is what I will be doing.

 

  • Yvette Nicole Brown’s Bacon number is 2
  • Danny Pudi’s Bacon number is 2
  • Joel McHale’s Bacon number is 2
  • Johnny Galecki’s Bacon number is 2
  • Marilyn Manson’s Bacon number is 2
  • Marilyn Monroe’s Bacon number is 2
  • Alexander Skarsgård’s Bacon number is 2
  • Tina Fey’s Bacon number is 2
  • Jim Parsons’s Bacon number is 2
  • Kaley Cuoco’s Bacon number is 1
  • Emma Stone’s Bacon number is 1
  • Olivia Wilde’s Bacon number is 2
  • Danny Glover’s Bacon number is 2
  • Morgan Freeman’s Bacon number is 2
  • Shia LaBeouf’s Bacon number is 2
  • Megan Fox’s Bacon number is 2
  • Will Ferrell’s Bacon number is 2
  • Macaulay Culkin’s Bacon number is 2
  • Kieran Culkin’s Bacon number is 2
  • Seth Rogen’s Bacon number is 2
  • Joe Rogan’s Bacon number is 2
  • Shaun White’s Bacon number is 2
  • Doug Benson’s Bacon number is 3
  • Nathan Fillion’s Bacon number is 1
  • Kal Penn’s Bacon number is 2
  • Krysten Ritter’s Bacon number is 2
  • Mae Whitman’s Bacon number is 2
  • Betty White’s Bacon number is 2
  • Tom Lenk’s Bacon number is 3
  • Johnny Knoxville’s Bacon number is 2
  • Jay Mohr’s Bacon number is 1
  • Joel Moore’s Bacon number is 2
  • John Francis Daley’s Bacon number is 2

ok I’m done now. I need a new hobby.

xoxo
Nicole.

Shit August Came And Went…

I keep forgetting about this.

I don’t know how I have, its my main email…

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Yeah that’s the word of the day.

So school started at the end of August. I’m taking 13 credits. I have classes spread throughout the day on Mondays and Thursdays, and I have one class on Tuesday and Wednesday. When I’m not at school I work, you see the stress here don’t you?

So yesterday I stretched my ears to a 2g from a 4g. It didn’t even hurt for once. Usually it feels like someone is pushing something large and obnoxious through your ear lobe. This time, nothing, well my 4g plugs were falling through so that might be the reason it didn’t hurt. Most of the time when my plugs came out I didn’t even take off the o-ring to put them back in.

Ok that was fucking boring.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I think tonight shall be a drinking night. I need a drink badly. I’ll slap on some makeup and sit on stickam.

I spent the majority of yesterday night and today feeling so queasy. Its my nerves I know it is. But if I take a Xanax or two I will be stoned, and I actually hate the Xanax stoned feel, it just doesn’t feel right. Give me weed over Xanax any day.

So tomorrow is a baking day. I’m making what my best friend calls ‘Mouthgasms’, they are cheesecake brownies. They are fucking delicious, I usually can’t get them out of the house to bring to work because my family eats them all, and in like a day too, its fucking freaky.

So I have to work on putting music onto my iPod, and taking some apps off. I get to take a city bus 30 miles round trip, including the fact I have to walk 14+ blocks. So that thing needs a large variety of music, I already know whats going on it, but I actually have to put it on.

Well I think I will get back to this maybe on Monday.

xoxo

Nicole

So I’ve Been on a Long Blogcation

Thats a vacation from blogging.

So its July already.

Shit.

So what have I been doing?

Well in Feb, I was in 2 car accidents 2 weeks apart, about, one was on Super Bowl Sunday and the other on Valentines Day. So now I can’t drive because I can’t afford car insurance, and in Wisconsin you need car insurance, its like a law or something, no really its a law.

I was able to get my GPA above a 2.0 so I am no longer on academic suspension or probation, but I have no clue how I am supposed to take 12 credits next semester. Its been a long time since I have taken that many. But on the bright side I am now on the waiting list for my major.

What else has happened?

Well fuck if I know.

Well I am stoked my cousin is back from some army thing that he’s been to for the last 3 weeks. I really miss game nights with him and his girlfriend, and my best friend. I’m thinking about calling him later today to see if he wants to hang out and take him out to lunch or something, he’s a sucker for free food.

I know its been like 6 months but everything is basically the same, I work at Joanns, I come home, I play games on FB. And every once in a while I drink.

I’ll get back to this again soon.

I fucking promise.

XOXO

Nicole

SOPA Protest

Dear anyone who is reading this,
Tomorrow at midnight, aka approx. 7 hours, my site will be nothing. So if you read it it shall not be updated. I care about this shit.

Love,
Nicole

So Good News

So I’ve enrolled myself at the Baking and Pastry Arts program at MATC, and this time I want to graduate, I think I have found what I want to be for the rest of my life. Well not the rest of my life, but the majority. Other than the activities I’ve been doing a lot of lately. I will not say what those activities are but yeah. I’m still living in my grandma’s basement, and I don’t really give a fuck. Or I don’t have anymore fucks to give. Idk at this point, its bad.

Still the main activities in my life are work and school. More than ever, on the upside every time I talk to my manager about getting more hours she yells at me that I need to study, and have time to do so.

This semester I can only take 8 credits so I’ve enrolled myself in Sociology, Food Sanitation and Psychology.

I’ve been pissed at my psychology class for the last 3 weeks. My teacher was talking about people with depression drinking to feel happy, and like everyone in my class laughed (like hahahahaha thats fucking funny laugh). I’m in that class so I can learn about people with “invisible illnesses”.  I have invisible illnesses, I have depression and anxiety along with add, and I felt like absolute shit. I know what nervous laughter is, and this was not that. I can thank my dad for saying that, everyone else said everyone in my class is a fuck-head (not exactly those words but thats how I describe it).  In my sociology class I’m not learning anything, you’d expect in a college setting your teacher/professor would teach you something in a 3 hour class, well how about not. So we have to read chapters at home, I hate reading chapters at home, I want to discuss this shit in class, so the government is paying MATC to have this guy teach me shit I already know, but not teach me anything. He has topic add, where he will hop from one topic to another with nothing connecting them, I would drop the class but my financial aid would be revoked, and I’d rather have it not.

My food sanitation class is what you would call an ideal class, minus he doesn’t want us texting for like an hour and 45 min. I’m ok with that, but I can tell others aren’t. Now why is he the ideal teacher, well if you have a question, he won’t get off of topic, he will answer your question in an order of when it was asked, and stay close to topic. I like if your like 5 min late he will never hold it against you.

Thats something I do not get why in college if you are 10 min late its like the end of the world, god forbid if traffic is bad and your coming to school from work, isn’t the important thing that I am there in a reasonable amount of time. I was like 3 min late to psych one day and apparently in 3 min he went over a whole test. Now I don’t want to say I hate my psych teacher, nope never mind I fucking hate him. Really no one in the class is over the age of 30, we know all the real words, you can stop saying “youngster” my grandma is 67 and I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say that in my life, well the life that I remember, which spans from 2006-now. My grandma talks in a much “hipper lingo” than he does. I only put that in quotes mostly because I can’t remember the word.

Me remembering words is few and far in between, I don’t know what wrong with my brain, but it refuses to remember words.

 

XOXO,

Nicole

So I Know, I Totally Know.

I know I haven’t been on here anywhere near recently. But I miss talking in here freely. Dispite the fact I maybe intoxicated, in any sense in the word, even now.

But if you care to know, since August 29th, 2011, I’ve been at either work or school. Thats about it. Period. No lie.

Love,

Nicole

Seriously I Need To Update This More

What have I been doing?

Well let’s take a stab at this; I’ve been working and working and of course sleeping, then I go to Potawatomi casino every now and then, and then again I go to sleep and then work some more.

I need to make my mother a website for her new cleaning company, yay, I suppose, I’m not getting paid for it though.

I went out for sushi last night, it was delicious as per usual.

Next week is St. Patricks day, so I’m going out, it’s my bff’s birthday. I’ve known this kid for 15 years, I hope the night is wonderful and I don’t get plastered.

I plan to make a worst dressed and best dressed site, it will be great. Just because you’re in high school doesn’t mean you have the right to dress like a moron.

Right now I’m watching Amazing Race, they are in tokyo and I’m jealous, considering these are all returning teams they should be used to driving around in foreign countries but they are all idiots.

Well peace out I’ll attempt to update next week!

Love,
Nicole

Those Beats in My Head Won’t Stop

So a while ago I created a list of my 100 favorite songs of all time, here they are.

1. Kashmir – Led Zepplin
2. Relapsing – Boys Night Out
3. Thrash Unreal – Against Me!
4. Savior – Rise Against
5. Search And Destroy – The Stooges
6. White Rabbit – Jefferson Airplane
7. Breaking – Anberlin
8. Supergirl – Saving Jane
9. The Way I Am – Ingrid Michaelson
10. Do You Feel – The Rocket Summer
11. Fidelity – Regina Spektor
12. Naïve Orleans – Anberlin
13. Drug Of Choice – 10 Years
14. Proud To Be A Stoner – Kottonmouth Kings
15. Hide And Seek – Imogen Heap
16. My Balls Your Chin – Snot
17. Better Than Drugs – Skillet
18. Eat Shit And Die – Margaret Cho
19. If I Could Make You Do Things – Two Tongues
20. All The Same – Sick Puppies
21. Sugarhigh – Coyote Shivers
22. You’re Going To Go Far Kid – Offspring
23. The Feel Good Drag – Anberlin
24. Brick By Boring Brick – Paramore
25. Fett’s Vette – MC Chris
26. Oh No You Didn’t – Wojahn Brothers
27. The Zephyr Song – Red Hot Chili Peppers
28. Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen
29. Under The Bridge – Red Hot Chili Peppers
30. Scar Tissue – Red Hot Chili Peppers
31. Californication – Red Hot Chili Peppers
32. Otherside – Red Hot Chili Peppers
33. My Heroine – Silverstein
34. Ball And Chain – Social Distortion
35. I Was Wrong – Social Distortion
36. What I Got – Sublime
37. Paris In Flames – Thursday
38. In This City – Iglu & Hartley
39. Ghost – Brian Firkus
40. She Is Beautiful – Andrew WK
41. I Believe In A Thing Called Love – The Darkness
42. Soul Meets Body – Death Cab For Cutie
43. Mercy – Duffy
44. Telescope Eyes – Eisley
45. Everlong – Foo Fighters
46. Somewhere Over The Rainbow – Isreal Kamamawiwo’ole
47. Imagine – John Lennon
48. Don’t Stop Believig – Journey
49. Bicycle Race – Queen
50. Killer Queen – Queen
51. Radio Ga Ga – Queen
52. Ooh La – The Kooks
53. A.D.I.D.A.S.- Korn
54. Falling Away From Me – Korn
55. Such Great Heights – The Postal Service
56. Science Fiction/Double Feature – Rocky Horror Picture Show Cast
57. The Kill – 30 Seconds To Mars
58. Girl’s Not Grey – AFI
59. Adam’s Song – Blink 182
60. Heart Shaped Box – Nirvana
61. Bring Back The Bomb – GWAR
62. Peace Sign/Index Down – Gym Class Heroes
63. Sexecutioner – GWAR
64. Dig – Mudvayne
65. Not Falling – Mudvayne
66. Death Blooms – Mudvayne
67. Bleed American – Jimmy Eat World
68. Sweetness – Jimmy Eat World
69. Prison Sex – Tool
70. Slaughterama – GWAR
71. Sober – Tool
72. Schism – Tool
73. Bat Country – Avenged Sevenfold
74. Country Boner – Puscifer
75. Box Full Of Sharp Objects – The Used
76. Take It Away – The Used
77. Secret Crowds – Angels & Airwaves
78. The Adventure – Angels & Airwaves
79. Dracula’s Lament – Jason Segal
80. Scotty Doesn’t Know – Lustra
81. Bloody Romance – Senses Fail
82. Inside of You – Infant Sorrow
83. Free Fall Without A Parachute – Senses Fail
84. Mr. Jones – Counting Crows
85. Cold Hard Bitch – Jet
86. Wonderwall – Oasis
87. Teenage Lobotomy – The Ramones
88. Spiderwebs – No Doubt
89. Cherry Bomb – The Runaways
90. Bulls on Parade – Rage Against The Machine
91. I’m Yours – Jason Mraz
92. Positive Vibes – Kottonmouth Kings
93. Hotel Song – Regina Spektor
94. Tangerine Sky – Kottonmouth Kings
95. How Far We’ve Come – Matchbox Twenty
96. Broken Heart – Motion City Soundtrack
97. Pumpkin Soup – Kate Nash
98. Nothing Feels Good – The Promise Ring
99. Where The Grass Is Much Greener – Brian Firkus
100. Rebirthing – Skillet

I Don’t Like Kids (or most people for that matter), But These Names ROCK!

  • Duncan Zowie Heywood Jones
  • Fifi Trixibelle
  • Peaches Honeyblossom (sounds like a hippie name :])
  • Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily
  • Justice
  • Spec Wildhorse
  • Poppy Honey
  • Rocket Valentin
  • Racer Maximilliano
  • Rebel Antonio
  • Rogue
  • Audio Science
  • Moon Unit
  • Diva Muffin
  • Moxie CrimeFighter
  • Seven Sirius
  • Zolten Penn
  • Sage Moonblood
  • Zuma Nesta Rock
  • Rainbow Joan of Arc
Yeah they are celebrity baby names, but you can only get away with that sneaky shit if you’re famous. The normal folk can’t get away with it, but I thank the lord my parents didn’t name either my sister or I Abigail. We do not need government-esque names. One day I swear I will change my name to Wednesday, I’m sick of all the damn Nicole’s out there.
xoxo,
Nicole